When I think about life, it’s a jumble of good times and bad times. It’s a story that shows the days I felt like I was on top of the world and days I felt like I was in the lowest valley. I’m sure that most of you can relate to this. The constant days of happiness and laughter followed by days upon days of sadness and tears.
Most of the times I’ve felt extreme sadness was during seasons of grief. I have lost a good amount of people during my lifetime. Best friends taken too soon, best friends who were more like brothers who took their own lives, grandparents and great grandparents who lost their fight with Covid-19; these people are ones I have grieved with every fiber of my being.
“grief is the most peculiar thing. We’re so helpless in the face of it. It’s like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver.” -Arthur Golden
It always seems that grief will never leave, doesn’t it? Like we will be stuck in this period of sadness forever. I felt like that my freshmen year of college when my childhood best friend and her parents were killed in a carbon monoxide poisoning. I felt like that again my senior year when my best friend who was more like my big brother committed suicide. I felt like that yet again when my grandfather passed away after a battle with Alzheimer’s. Still I felt like that not even 6 months ago when my great grandmother and grandfather, who were both hospitalized due to complications from Covid-19, both passed away in the hospital only 2 weeks apart. The grief at times, has consumed me. I’ve felt like I was going through the motions more times than I could count. I’ve cried out in despair and I’ve yelled at my God. I asked him the same question, over and over again- “why did you have to take them?”
After a quick poll on Facebook, I received many different words to describe grief.
Emptiness, heavy, lonely, gut-wrenching, traumatic, all encompassing, Earth shattering are all words my friends used to describe sadness and grief from their own personal experiences. On the flip side though, there is happiness.
After another quick poll on Facebook, I received many other types of words to describe happiness.
Peace, adrenaline, hope, sunlight were all words given to me to describe happiness from my Facebook friends perspectives.
When you compare your grief to your happiness, I’m reminded of the stark contrast between the two, but also how intricately they are woven together. It seems like life wouldn’t be life without grief and then happiness to even it out. Similar to how Jesus uplifts us, happiness with life can bring us out of the pits of despair and loneliness in grief.
“happiness is a direction, not a place.”
When we life our live by this quote, we can be happy along the journey of life. We can be content as we travel through the sunshine and even okay to be going through storm clouds. Knowing that grief won’t last forever, happiness is really up to you in the end, and we aren’t alone in any of our emotions is really how we can continue on even when we don’t feel like we can.
The Monarch Mama 