I’m visiting my grandmother today in the hospital & I’m reminded just how fleeting life is. I’m reminded how quickly life can pass us by. My grandmother suffers from dementia and she has a hard remembering anything within a 5 minute period.
Since I have such a busy life I’ve found it hard to visit her in the nursing home as much as I’d like and honestly, it always makes me depressed going because she doesn’t know who I am. Not at all.
She doesn’t remember my children or my husband, even though she’s met them many times.
She doesn’t remember all the nights I spent with her and my Grandfather on their farm, fishing, picking okra, cleaning the barn or playing cards.
She doesn’t remember my grandfather and his passing, partly because she wasn’t told to save her the heartache.
She doesn’t remember her grandchildren or her children. She doesn’t remember all the times she sent me and my children cards for every birthday.
She doesn’t remember anything.
And that is the most depressing thing.
Physically she’s okay, beside the bout of pneumonia she’s dealing with.
But really is she doing okay?
Her once self isn’t here.
She’s still the kind, sweet & caring Sue I grew up with but she’s also vacant.
I can’t help but wonder if that’s even better at all.
My grandfather suffered from dementia as well and I went and sat with him everyday leading up to his passing for a few weeks. He would ask where my granny was and when he could see her again. He didn’t know she wasn’t there and that she was sick. He would get angry because he was so dependent on others. And in his last few days he just laid there, unaware that his final days were coming.
In the last 6 months I’ve lost a grandfather and a great grandmother. It seems that loss is continuing to happen for me and my family. While I take hope in knowing that my Savior has a plan and purpose, it doesn’t take the sting of loss away.
The Monarch Mama 