Mommy burnout…ever heard about it? As a mom of 6, I experience mommy burnout more often than I don’t. Simply put, mom burnout is being exactly that- burnt out in your duties as mom.

Being a mom is the hardest job I have ever. It’s harder than keeping 18 first graders alive at a field trip to a safari park. It’s harder than serving a table of 20 drunk college studs. It’s harder than scheduling and managing a whole staff at Waffle House. All of these are jobs I’ve had and I know that being a mom is way harder than any of those.

No matter what type of mom you are- whether it be single mom, mom of many, working mom, stay at home mom, mom of a child with special needs, or any type of mom in between, I know that you feel the same mom burnout I am talking about. It may look different for all of us, but mommy burnout is real and I sometimes wonder if it will ever go away.

Feeling like you have to do it all— easily irritated, frustrated or triggered — persistent feelings of guilt, anxiety, and worry

Do you ever feel those feelings? Do you feel more than one at a time? Do you feel them all the time?

I called my husband at work today and told him how stressed out I was. I hadn’t gotten all the kids school done today I needed to, I was behind on my work for my online boutique, and I needed to edit about 15 stories for a book I was putting together. What was his response?

“McKenna, you are trying to do too much. You always do.”

That was NOT the advice I was looking for, but he is right. He normally is about these things (but let’s not tell him I said that.)

I overload myself because I truly believe that I can do it all.

Ever since I was little, I have always been on hyper-drive. I am always go, go, go and honestly I envy those who can just sit still and not do anything.

When I became a stay at home mom, right at 5 years ago, I looked for the same sense of worthiness and advancement in my work from home ventures and in my homemaking that I had always felt in the career I had had. I strive on being the best at being a mom; always having schedules perfect, never falling asleep without the house being reset, always being at everything for my children and always volunteering for everyone. And that is all good and fine until you start to feel the inevitable mom burnout.

I struggle with mommy burnout everyday. I never feel good enough, I never feel like I can get enough done, I always feel like my kids will look back and hate their childhood and the mom they have. Most days I can shake these feelings, but on days like today, I can’t.

If the season of life you are in today is also causing you mommy burnout, I urge you to stop and think about all the blessings you have. I urge you to think about how you may make mistakes, but your children are loved, cared for, clothed and fed (even if it was just mac and cheese for the third day in a row). I urge you to think about what it is you really want out of life and then try your best to live it every day. If you’re religious or spiritual, find a comforting bible verse to recite, take a deep breath and sit in prayer for 5 minutes. Lock yourself in the bathroom if you need to so you can get a few minutes of quiet. Then remind yourself that you are strong, and loved and happy and have amazing kids.

This season will only last for a season. While it may be hard to cherish it during the times we feel mommy burnout, we will regret it more if we look back and realize we didn’t actually cherish it at all.

When I think about life, it’s a jumble of good times and bad times. It’s a story that shows the days I felt like I was on top of the world and days I felt like I was in the lowest valley. I’m sure that most of you can relate to this. The constant days of happiness and laughter followed by days upon days of sadness and tears.

Most of the times I’ve felt extreme sadness was during seasons of grief. I have lost a good amount of people during my lifetime. Best friends taken too soon, best friends who were more like brothers who took their own lives, grandparents and great grandparents who lost their fight with Covid-19; these people are ones I have grieved with every fiber of my being.

“grief is the most peculiar thing. We’re so helpless in the face of it. It’s like a window that will simply open of its own accord. The room grows cold, and we can do nothing but shiver.” -Arthur Golden

It always seems that grief will never leave, doesn’t it? Like we will be stuck in this period of sadness forever. I felt like that my freshmen year of college when my childhood best friend and her parents were killed in a carbon monoxide poisoning. I felt like that again my senior year when my best friend who was more like my big brother committed suicide. I felt like that yet again when my grandfather passed away after a battle with Alzheimer’s. Still I felt like that not even 6 months ago when my great grandmother and grandfather, who were both hospitalized due to complications from Covid-19, both passed away in the hospital only 2 weeks apart. The grief at times, has consumed me. I’ve felt like I was going through the motions more times than I could count. I’ve cried out in despair and I’ve yelled at my God. I asked him the same question, over and over again- “why did you have to take them?”

After a quick poll on Facebook, I received many different words to describe grief.

Emptiness, heavy, lonely, gut-wrenching, traumatic, all encompassing, Earth shattering are all words my friends used to describe sadness and grief from their own personal experiences. On the flip side though, there is happiness.

After another quick poll on Facebook, I received many other types of words to describe happiness.

Peace, adrenaline, hope, sunlight were all words given to me to describe happiness from my Facebook friends perspectives.

When you compare your grief to your happiness, I’m reminded of the stark contrast between the two, but also how intricately they are woven together. It seems like life wouldn’t be life without grief and then happiness to even it out. Similar to how Jesus uplifts us, happiness with life can bring us out of the pits of despair and loneliness in grief.

“happiness is a direction, not a place.”

When we life our live by this quote, we can be happy along the journey of life. We can be content as we travel through the sunshine and even okay to be going through storm clouds. Knowing that grief won’t last forever, happiness is really up to you in the end, and we aren’t alone in any of our emotions is really how we can continue on even when we don’t feel like we can.

With tomorrow being July 4th, I thought it would be appropriate to mention a few of my thoughts about freedom. I have always taught my children about how we live in an amazing country. When we study different countries as apart of our homeschool, I explain how so many other people in the world are not able to do most of the things we can do as Americans. But lately, they’ve been asking me more questions as a response to my sharing about some of the social injustices we are encountering in our culture today.

When I told them about the first African American woman to be appointed to the Supreme Court they asked how many women were apart of the SCOTUS. This prompted a discussion on how women’s rights have always come after mens. My spunky 6 – year- old, Ramsey Cate, then responded, “well, mom, why aren’t women doing more stuff like being the president?” Her response got me thinking.

Children are so often blind sided by things going on in our world. They make friends with people of all races on the playground, they don’t question if they have a gay cousin or aunt, they don’t think women should be any less than men because of their gender. If they do have questions they come from a simple place of curiosity, and not a place of hatred or disgust, like so many adults do.

So do we really live in a place of freedom? Do we have certain things always just afforded to us because we live in the “land of the free?” Do we have the rights our founding fathers wanted so desperately for us? My answer to these questions is no. And while I still tell my children we should always be thankful we are Americans and we should honor those who fought for our freedoms, we are still a long way from where we need to be.

This July 4th, I will celebrate. I will celebrate because I’m thankful I live in America, a nation of great determination & great achievement. But this July 4th, I will also mourn. I will mourn how far we still have to go. I will mourn for the rights myself and so many others have lost. I will mourn for the injustices of racism, hatred, and bigotry I still see daily. I will celebrate my heritage but I will also mourn for my children’s future.

At the end of the day, what do you think about yourself? Do you have a ton of confidence and happy with the skin your in? Do you believe you are worthy of love? Do you give more of yourself to others than you receive? Most women do, it’s true. Most women will always choose others before themselves.

But I have a message for you to send you into this weekend.

YOU are worth it.
You are worthy of the self care.
You are worthy of positive self talk.
You are worthy of happiness.
You are worthy of love.
You are worthy of compassion from others.
You are worthy of empathy for your situation.

You can leave that relationships.
You can stop serving things that don’t serve you.
You can leave that toxic situation.
You can do whatever you set your mind to.

YOU ARE WORTHY.
Just in case you forgot. 💜

Do you ever feel stuck?

Like you don’t know what your purpose is?

Do you feel like you are on a merry go round of the same things over and over?

I’m there with ya. We can feel stagnant a lot of times in our motherhood journey.

There are so many things you can do on the day to day basis to break the monotony.

Here are a few suggestions on ways to break your days apart so yours not doing the same things over and over again. While routine is great and important to help our households and families function, a little spontaneity never hurt anyone.

1. Get out of the house! If you are a stay at home mom, it can be easy to never leave the house. It can be easy to stay home all day but don’t get stuck there. A quick walk around the neighborhood, a trip to the park or even to a picnic in the yard can really save your mental health.

2. Get dressed and do your makeup every day. Doing the same things day in and day out can make motherhood draining. I’ve found that even doing my hair in a bun and some simple makeup and changing for the day can completely change my whole day around.

3. Get a hobby. Whether it be reading, doing your makeup, crafting, or a singing, find something to do that is just for you and not for anyone else.

Pouring into others all the time is hard. The monotony or motherhood is hard. But with a little work and effort into ourselves, we can fill out cups up so that we can more easily pour into our childrens cups as well.

Why is it important to practice self care and work on ourselves? Because working on ourselves doesn’t affect just us. Working on ourselves also affects those around us. When we decide to take our health seriously- whether it be physical, mental, spiritual health, or all of them- our progress can impact the relationships we have with others.

A prime example of this is with our children. When we are able to work on ourselves and fill our own cups we are able to fill the cup of our children and families. If we are dealing with our own personal traumas and hardships how are we to be sure we don’t pass these on to our children? If we are working on our anger management and struggling to keep our cool, how can we expect our children to do the same? If we are not dealing with our anxiety and depression how can we expect our children to not inherit some of those same issues?

Dealing with our own personal issues is not easy. I’d be lying if I said i ever really took care of myself. I always put everyone’s needs above myself. I always say I’m fine when really, I’ve been drowning in the anxiety, depression and OCD/ perfectionist mentality I’ve suffered from for years. In the past 2 weeks I have started examining my own self. I’ve started thinking about how I can work on myself and realizing that maybe some of the issues my children have has stemmed from the way I behave. And that is a HARD revelation to have. not to say that I’m always to blame but I believe that the way we parent and interact with our children is a 100% reflection on ourselves and can impact them accordingly. So I’ve been changing the narrative. When I would normally respond with raised voices and time outs, I’ve taken a deep breath and thought before I reacted. When my four-year-old had a breakdown from being scared to go into the doctor, I let her have the tantrum. I let her feel her feelings. I validated her emotions and talked her through them. And she came out better from it. Was it hard to see all the people staring at me as they walked by my child’s temper tantrum outside of the doctors office? Yep. Did I want to break down and scream back at her and make her leave? You betcha. But I didn’t. And in that moment I had never been more proud of myself as a parent.

It’s not easy to recognize faults and weaknesses in ourselves. It’s not easy to take time to work on ourselves when our days are full to the brim of caring for everyone else, but it is a necessary step to becoming the person we are suppose to be. 💜

Take a deep breath. In for 3. Out for 3. Take another deep breath. In for 3. Out for 3. How did that feel? Did you need a second to think and breathe? I know I do. I need to do this way more than I do now. In a life that’s go, go, go, I think we forget sometimes that it is okay to stop for a second. I can probably count on one hand how many times I sit down in a day and do nothing. I’m always on overdrive. It I sit down, I work on my phone with one of my many streams of income. If I sit down, I’m writing. If I sit down, I immediately feel like I need to get up again. I know that so many of us feel this way. I’m honestly not sure why I’m wired this way and I sometimes question why God would have me feel like this. I’ll get mad at God. Wonder why he would want me to feel inadequate and unworthy all the time. I wonder why he would gift me with 6 children if I’m just going to be anxious and filled with sadness all the time.

I don’t know why I’m like this and if you feel this same way please know you aren’t alone. I get angry, sad, and anxious most days. I end up crying in the bathroom almost every day. I’ve had meltdowns in Walmart and at the grocery store because my mind is telling me how inadequate I am as a mother and wife. It’s hard. I’m just now starting to come to terms with how bad my mental illness actually is. I know I write about it a lot. Maybe this post isn’t for you. Maybe you don’t suffer from a mental illness. But most people I know have some sort of issue they are working through or a trauma they are healing from.

You aren’t alone, and it’s okay to ask for help. It’s okay to say “you know what, I’m not okay.” And it’s okay if all you can do is practice your breathing.

I’m a firm believer in speaking things into existence. Words carry power. Words can change people. Words can change lives. As a writer, I put a lot of faith into words. Faith that I will write what someone needs to read. Faith that that person will find my writing. Faith that what I say will change someone in a positive way. And we have the power to do that in our own lives as well.

Every morning my children and I do an affirmations exercise. In our 2021-2022 homeschool year we had a affirmation saying that we said every single day. They would originally repeat after me, but after doing it every day, they quickly learned it themselves. The sayings went like this- “I am strong. I am kind. I am caring. I will treat others the way I would want to be treated. I am smart. I will try my very best today.” We said those words every single day for months. And there’s a reason for that. I want my children to believe those things about themselves. I want them to grow up being confident, kind, and caring people. So that’s why we say those things. Because words matter. Words are powerful. They can change you for the better. But words can also change you for the worse. Imagine if all we did was beat ourselves up every single day. “I am not smart. I’m not strong. I really suck sometimes.” We would start to believe those words and in turn so would the people around us.

Your words matter. They are important. Your words are only yours and no one else’s. So what will you speak into existence today? What words will you write? What words will you repeat? What will you say to yourself? Find your words and use them for good. Because your words truly do matter.

Provision. What does this look like to you? Is it riches? Is it favor? Is it the nicest house on the block or simply being able to provide fully for your family? Is it fancy cars or living within your means? Is it nice meals at five star restaurants or serving at a food kitchen?

Provision is different for everyone. For some it seems far off today. With inflation in our US economy only rising, it is easy to get discouraged. Gas prices have skyrocketed, there are shortages at the stores but still higher prices, cost of living has gone up but no one is making any more money. I went to the grocery store yesterday to restock on snacks and drinks for my kids for the weekend and what would have been $50 before cost $110. It is discouraging and everyone is feeling it.

But, what if we switched our thinking? Instead of complaining, what if we were thankful? We have a roof over our head. It may have places that need to be patched and stay messy most of the time, but it is a home. We have good health where some are battling chronic illnesses or were told they only have 6 weeks to live. We can drive to take our kids to the pool or water park this summer. Gas may be outrageous, but at least we have the transportation to get there. Provision may seem harder to come by these days but there is something else that can be our portion when we feel down. Our Savior. He is our portion and our provision.

Feel empty? Call on Him. Feel sad? Look to Him. Feel defeated? Turn to Him. Feel worn down? Lean on Him. He is the ultimate provider. It may seem tough today, and it is. It is hard. A rough day seems to be the norm. But a new day is coming and if we have Him, it is already brighter and better. For there Is no struggle that can stop our hallelujahs when we have Him.

Everyday I read posts on Facebook about how “God would want us to think” and how “God wouldn’t want this to be happening.” A lot of the time I agree with the post, when it’s about the baby formula shortage or families struggling financially due to inflation, but a lot of times I don’t agree with the post when it’s dealing with people with feelings.

Only because I truly believe our main purpose in life and as a Christian is to treat others with kindness. If we are shouting that we love God and we are His follower but we aren’t treating others the same way His son would have treated them then how will we lead people to Him? How can we expect to create followers of God when we speak His name but don’t recreate His actions? How can we be of the Christian faith but not serve the homeless, respect our elders, and love the disabled? How can we not speak kindly to our neighbor when that’s the exact message Jesus preached on daily?

I don’t believe you can hate your neighbor but still love Jesus. Loving Jesus means loving people. They go hand in hand. You can’t love Jesus and then whisper about your friend behind their back. You can’t love Jesus and then intentionally teach your children not to love everyone the same irregardless of sexual orientation, gender, color, religion, or socioeconomic status. Do I think Christians should be perfect? Absolutely not and we never will be. The only thing we can do is try our best every day to live the way Jesus would have us to, treating others with kindness, spouting love and acceptance for all, and spreading compassion and tolerance towards all His people.